


That Dweam Wiffin a Dweam

by McBangle



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Abduction, Alternate Universe - Princess Bride Fusion, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Multi, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McBangle/pseuds/McBangle
Summary: Once upon a time, in the far-off kingdom of Florin, fair Bitty fell in love with his farm boy, Kent. But when Kent seemingly perished at sea, his ship overtaken by the Dread Pirate Parson, and the not-at-all evil Prince Jack found himself in want of a spouse, could Bitty, Jack, and a not-so-dead Kent redefine the rules of True Wuv?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Decibelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Decibelle/pseuds/Decibelle) in the [PBJ_EpiFest_2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/PBJ_EpiFest_2017) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Media to be Remixed: "The Princess Bride" by William Goldman  
> Dread Pirate Kent. Wouldn't that be awesome? Prickly Prince Jack and the sweet and fairest Buttercup Bits? I honestly don't care who takes on what role any version would be outstanding. And if you wanted to go further with the cast there's some amazing roles in the movie/book  
>   
> Florin, Guilder, "As you wish," and the Dread Pirate belong to William Goldman. A thousand thanks to [jamesiee](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesiee/works) for the tremendous feedback and assistance, you made it so much better!

Once upon a time, in the far-off kingdom of Florin, there lived a young lad with hair as pure as gold and the largest brown eyes you could ever imagine. His given name was Eric Bittle, but all who knew him called him simply “Bitty”.

Bitty’s parents owned a farm, and they employed a young man with ridiculous hair that simply wouldn’t lie flat and the oddest eyes that appeared to change color with the light. Although young Bitty was fair of looks, he was terribly spoiled, and his favorite pastime was ordering the poor farm boy about. “Farm Boy! Milk the cow! Farm Boy! Clear that brush! Farm Boy! Run and fetch me some eggs!”

And every time, the farm boy would simply answer, “As you wish.”

This continued on for many years until one day Bitty realized that every time the farm boy said “As you wish,” he was really saying “I love you.” And it wasn’t long after that, that Bitty realized he felt the same.

And so they fell desperately and foolishly in love, as young people are wont to do.

Young Bitty was keen to marry as soon as possible, but Kent (for his name, Bitty had learned, was Kent) yearned for fame and fortune and to raise himself above his lowly station.

“Tomorrow I leave to sail the seven seas in search of adventure,” he proclaimed, “and I will return to you with all of the riches and jewels that you deserve.” And although he did not speak the words aloud, he thought to himself _And when I do, perhaps then I will finally deserve you as well_.

Perhaps if he had spoken the latter words to his love, this story would have had a very different plot. Perhaps Bitty would have told Kent of the depth of the love that he already felt for him. Perhaps he would have convinced Kent of his worthiness of that love. Perhaps they would have lived out a mundane and pleasant life and never set forth from the farm for the rest of their lives.

But, dear reader, that is not the story we are telling today.

Bitty bit back his tears and nodded bravely. “If this is our last night together, then let’s make it one to remember.”

And so they shared a lovely night under the harvest moon.

Before Kent set sail the next morning, he begged Bitty, “Wait for me. As long as it takes. It could be years. Promise me you’ll wait for me.”

“I would wait for the rest of my life,” Bitty promised solemnly.

Yet, not two months later, Bitty received word that Kent had perished at sea, his ship overtaken by the Dread Pirate Parson. Bitty fell to the ground in tears, rent at his clothes, and clad himself only in black for the next five years.

* * *

Bitty was still in mourning five years later. He had thrown himself into the work of the farm, taking on all of Kent’s old chores and more, pushing himself to his physical limit as if punishing himself for Kent’s death. He was no longer the youth that Kent had once known. Although Bitty might deny it, he had grown into quite the handsome young man.

He had spent so many years depriving himself of worldly pleasures that he barely even noticed when word reached his village that Florin’s prince was in want of a spouse. Prince Jack was touring the kingdom in search of the fairest lad or lass and would be visiting Bitty’s own village. All in the village and its surrounding farms were thrilled at the chance to see the prince and, mayhaps, to be the lucky one chosen as his future spouse. All, that is, but one.

“Please, Dicky,” Bitty’s mother, Suzanne, beseeched him, “you _must_ join us in the town square tomorrow! Oh! If Prince Jack is half as handsome as the King is…” She fanned herself.

 _“Moth_ -er!” Bitty flopped dramatically on his pallet. “You _know_ I am in _mourning!_ I have no interest in marrying a prince.”

Suzanne flapped her hand in the air dismissively. “Who said anything about marrying him? Come for the excitement. When will you ever have another chance to see royalty? Besides,” she pleaded, “a change of scenery could do you a world of good. You’ve barely left the farm in five years…”

“Not interested, Mother.” Bitty threw one forearm over his eyes.

“Well fine,” she sniffed. “But if Aunt Judy or any of her children see the prince and we don’t, we will never hear the last of it for all of our days.”

Bitty sat up at this. “Well… I suppose I could go, for a few minutes.”

* * *

The next morning, the village was atwitter with excitement at the prince’s impending arrival. The town square was more crowded than Bitty could ever remember it being. One rumor after another passed through the crowd about the prince and his supposed past dalliances and scandals. Bitty had to admit, albeit begrudgingly, that he had missed visiting with others outside of the farm. He found himself energized by the crowd after his long self-imposed isolation.

The roar of the crowd dimmed to a whisper at the sound of the royal trumpets. All turned as one to the royal coterie’s entrance down the main street. Even Bitty could admit he was eager to see the prince he had heard so much about.

He was expecting arrogant, proud and off-putting. Instead, the prince looked… well, there was no better word for it than awkward. He visibly cringed at the crowd’s stares, periodically dipping his eyes to the ground before seemingly remembering his mission and bringing them back up to search the crowd.

And oh, those eyes. Bitty had never seen eyes quite so blue, nor so lonely. Gazing upon the prince, Bitty had a great sense that he wanted nothing more than to find an end to his loneliness. Bitty had known heartbreak and solitude these past five years, and something he saw in the prince’s face moved him. He wanted nothing more than to hug the owner of those sad eyes and make him feel wanted.

The murmurs of the crowd surrounding Bitty rose again. Bitty could pick up tidbits here and there.

“…thinks he’s too good for us.”

“…won’t even look us in the eyes.”

“What’s he even doing here, slumming it with the peasants?”

“Oh, will y’all stop it?” Bitty chided his townsfolk, his voice carrying over the crowd. “It took a great deal of bravery to come here today – far more than most of y’all have, I might add. This man is a guest in our village and so far I’ve heard nothing but rumors and complaints. Shame on every last one of you!”

“My hero.”

Bitty started at the sound of a strange voice. He looked up – and up – to the prince smirking not unkindly down at him from atop his horse.

“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.” The prince extended his hand to Bitty.

If not for his mother squeezing his hand with every ounce of her strength, Bitty might have fainted dead away. “I’m… I…” For once in his life, Bitty found himself at a loss for words.

“This is my Dicky,” Suzanne finished for him.

“Your Dicky?” the prince raised an eyebrow merrily.

Bitty shook his head, bringing himself to his senses. “Bitty. Eric Bittle, actually, but everyone calls me Bitty.”

“Because you’re…”

“…Last name is Bittle, I’m sure you intended to say,” Bitty stuck his nose in the air defiantly. “I’m of perfectly average height.”

“Of course,” the prince smiled genuinely. “I would never have suggested otherwise.” He opened his hand into a welcoming gesture. “I’ve traveled all over Florin, and I have met few people who would welcome me so unconditionally. I’m well aware of the rumors about me.” He smiled wryly. “I’ve been searching far and wide for someone to, well, to keep me company.”

“You’ve been searching for a spouse,” Bitty corrected him.

“True,” the prince nodded. “And I’ve found many who would happily marry me for my parents’ riches and the promise of power, but none who saw me for more than my title. Would you be that companion and spouse?”

Bitty gnawed at his lower lip. “I can promise you companionship. Even friendship. But I cannot promise love, for I am nursing a broken heart. My true love died five years past.”

Jack nodded solemnly. “I can accept those terms.”

Bitty tucked the prince’s hand in his. “Then I will be your spouse.”

And so it was that young Bitty became betrothed to the prince of Florin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for an abduction in this chapter. If you wish to check for warnings or want to skip over this chapter, there's a summary in the end notes of this chapter.

In no time at all Bitty had settled into the castle, his meager possessions in tow. His rooms were soon filled with the finest of furnishings, befitting his new station. His days were busy with wedding planning and learning the court protocols, but his nights were spent eagerly getting to know his affianced. Bitty and Prince Jack spent many long hours deeply immersed in conversation, speaking of everything from Bitty’s favorite recipes to Jack’s worries about the growing hostilities with the neighboring nation of Guilder.

The prince, who had seemed so shy and reserved upon their first meeting, revealed a wry sense of humor and teasing demeanor. And oh my, was he handsome. Bitty soon found that the warmth that he had felt toward Prince Jack since first seeing his sad eyes in the town square had grown into something much deeper. Although he had entered into their arrangement expecting a purely platonic partnership, Bitty was beginning to long for more.

One morning Bitty found himself with several hours to spare. He wasn’t needed for wedding planning that day and Prince Jack was engaged in court business. Bitty wandered deep into the forest, thinking on his growing feelings toward Prince Jack. Were five years too long to mourn? Or was he disloyal for feeling drawn to the prince?

Bitty had always thought that each person had one true love. Yet how could he feel what he was feeling toward Prince Jack when he still loved his dear, departed Kent? And what of Jack’s own feelings? While he did appear quite fond of Bitty, he had never once indicated that he wanted to change their arrangement. If Bitty were to broach the topic, it would only make their future marriage awkward… or perhaps blissfully happy.

He was so deeply engaged in these thoughts that he bade no notice to the rustlings in the forest around him until it was entirely too late.

* * *

Bitty’s world had gone dark. He found himself suddenly enclosed in a tight space with only tiny points of light shining through. He reached his hands up and touched something rough. Hemp sack. Before he had time to process much more than that, he found himself lifted off his feet and draped over something or someone.

“All right brahs, let’s get him to the boat,” a strangely accented voice called out. “With any luck, that glorious motherfucker won’t even realize his betrothed is gone until we’ve been out to sea for an hour or more.”

Abducted. He was being abducted, no doubt by agents of Guilder. His captor was right; he’d wandered deep into the woods, far out of the earshot of anyone that could rescue him. Jack wasn’t expecting him back for hours. By the time that Jack would miss him, it would be far too late. If he didn’t act, he might never see Jack again – or worse.

He reared back his legs and kicked the person carrying him as hard as he could. He must have hit his mark, as the world suddenly tilted as his captor apparently stumbled.

“Motherfuck!” A new voice groaned. “He kicked me!”

“Holtzy, are you okay? Not cool, little dude,” a third voice called out. How many captors did he have?

A plan was starting to take form. Bitty would kick the one carrying him until he loosened his grip enough for Bitty to free himself, and then Bitty would run as fast as he could back to the castle. Bitty was swift of foot and he knew few men could catch him at his top speed. He reared back and placed three more solid kicks.

“Fuck! Little help, here?” the man carrying him groaned, stumbling yet again. Bitty might soon have his chance to run.

The oddly-accented man sighed. “We’re gonna have to tie him up. Little brah, I am so sorry. I don’t want to trigger you, but I can’t let you hurt my bro.” He continued speaking as Bitty felt thick ropes wind around his legs. “I’m just gonna tie your legs so you can’t hurt Holster here. It’s just until we get to the boat, and then we can all get schwasted over some tub juice.”

“Over my dead body!” Bitty spit out. But then he froze in horror. The chances of anyone rescuing him were rapidly dwindling. If he didn’t find some way to escape soon then it would be his dead body indeed. He opened his mouth wide, leaned in fast and bit down hard on his captor’s back.

“Motherfucking shitballs! He bites!” The man carrying Bitty stumbled again, but still did not loosen his grip enough for Bitty to escape.

“Holtz!” the third captor shouted. “Shits, I told you this wasn’t going to work. We’re going to get caught and thrown in the dungeon or deported, or…! We’ve got to gag him, it’s the only way.”

“No, brah,” the accented voice whined. “That’s really not cool. I can’t take away somebody’s voice.”

“He is USING HIS TEETH TO BITE ME!” the person carrying Bitty ground out. “Not to mention punching me! The fucker is stronger than he looks.”

“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” the third captor moaned.

After a moment, Bitty heard a deep sigh. “All right. Let him down, but hold the lil’ fucker tight, the both of you. I don’t want him to bolt.”

Bitty’s heart soared and he prepared to run. But, the moment his feet touched ground two strong arms clamped his feet to the ground, while two others held his arms tightly to his side. No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn’t so much as hop, let alone run.

“Little brah, I’m real sorry about this whole thing. It must be very unpleasant for you,” the strangely accented man apologized. “I promise you we’re all going to laugh over this in time.” That seemed highly unlikely to Bitty. “I wanted to do this as humanely as possible, but I can’t let you hurt my bros. So, I’m going to have to tie your hands and – I’m real sorry about this – I’m going to have to gag you.”

“NO!” Bitty screamed. He tried once more to struggle against his captors, but they were far too strong for him.

A little more sunlight met his eyes as one of his captors rucked the sack up to his shoulders. “You hold his hands together, and I’ll tie them,” the accented man instructed. The hands on his arms clapped them together in front of him while rough rope bound them tightly together.

Although he knew it was likely useless, Bitty tried the one last option available to him. “Jack! Somebody! Help!”

He heard another deep sigh as his captor tied one last knot around his forearms. “Little brah, I’ve got nothing but respect for what you’re trying to do here. I know this is the part you have to play, but I would love to not have to gag you. Maybe just for once you could go along just until we get to the boat?”

“NEVER! JAAAAAAAAACK!” Bitty screamed.

Bitty heard one additional heavy sigh before the sack was thrown off him entirely. He blinked at the sudden sunlight and glanced around at the three men holding him hostage, memorizing their faces in case he survived this ordeal. A blonde giant glared at him resentfully, rubbing at a spot on his back. He must have been the one that Bitty had bitten. An African man with cheekbones to die for crouched before him, planting Bitty’s feet solidly into the earth. A third man, shabbily dressed with long brown hair and a mustache, smiled regretfully down at Bitty while rolling up a handkerchief.

“Sorry for this, brah,” the long haired man shrugged before stuffing one handkerchief into Bitty’s mouth and wrapping another over it, tying it behind Bitty’s neck.

Bitty gagged but he could still breathe. Before he knew it, the sack had dropped down over his head again, and he was hoisted again over the giant’s shoulder. This time, another set of hands held his bound legs so that he couldn’t kick the giant. He struggled with all his might but he couldn’t kick, he couldn’t hit nor scratch, he couldn’t bite nor yell. He’d been captured, was being rapidly transported away from his betrothed, and very likely would soon be dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tl:dr: The first four paragraphs discuss Bitty and Jack's growing relationship and Bitty's reflection on his feelings, and you may safely read them, if you wish, without discussion of abduction.
> 
> In the main part of the chapter, Bitty is abducted, thrown in a sack, and fears for his life. He fights back, kicking, punching and biting one of his captors, and he is ultimately bound and gagged. He is scared and feeling hopeless at the end of the chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Bitty lost track of how long he was bound, gagged, and carried inside the sack. The next time the sack was removed, he found himself on a boat rapidly sailing away from Florin and Jack. The man with the mustache smiled lopsidedly down at him again.

“Hey, brah, sorry again for all of that, but you’ve done your part and we’ve done ours and all that’s left is to wait for that beaut of a prince to come find you. I would love to untie you, but I’ve got to know you’re not going to hurt me or my bros if I do.” He gestured to the two other men, sitting together on a chest, both glaring daggers at him.

Bitty made a few muffled noises from behind the gag.

“Ah, right yeah, sorry brah.” The mustachioed man removed the gag.

Bitty coughed, stretched his achy lips, took a few deep breaths… and then spat in the long-haired man’s face.

The two other men burst into guffaws, leaning over each other and holding their sides.

“All right, that was well deserved.” The long-haired man wiped his sleeve across his face. “Are you going to be nice so we can fucking untie you already?”

“No! You. Are trying. To kill me!” Bitty shouted in disbelief.

The three other men glanced around at each other in confusion before turning back to Bitty.

“What?” the mustachioed man asked.

“Who said anything about killing?” the African man asked.

“Bro, I’m still pissed at you for kicking me and biting me, but that doesn’t mean I want to kill you,” the giant explained.

Bitty furrowed his brow. “You abducted me, tied me up and gagged me, and carried me to your boat. What are y’all planning to do with me if not to kill me?”

The long-haired man shrugged. “Well, first I was thinking we could all get to know our best friend’s betrothed, and you could get to know Jack’s crew. Ransom, Holster” he gestured to the other men one at a time, “and I’m Shitty. And then we could all get schwasted on tub juice until Jack finds us. And then if we’re too drunk to sail we could hitch a ride with the royal navy back to Florin and celebrate a successful fake abduction.”

_“Fake_ abduction?” Bitty asked incredulously. “This is a fake abduction? Y’all jumped me in the woods, threw me in a sack, bound and gagged me for a fake abduction?”

His three captors looked uneasy.

“Uh, yeah, we thought you knew,” Ransom winced.

“It’s a tradition?” Holster offered weakly.

“Are you telling me you didn’t know this was all fake?” Shitty asked. “It’s a longstanding tradition among the gentry of Florin for the best friends of the groom-to-be to pretend to abduct his betrothed so the groom can rescue them.”

“I’m not from the gentry, and where I come from we hold feasts to celebrate betrothals, not abductions. It didn’t once occur to you to explain to me that this was all just part of some little game?” Bitty was infuriated.

Shitty looked ashen. “Fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I just abducted you for real. I just treated you like some kind of an object. I took away your agency! Oh fuck, I can’t believe I just did that!”

“We all did it,” Ransom leant a comforting hand on Shitty’s shoulder. “We should have realized. The little dude isn’t from around here. We shouldn’t have expected him to know what was going on.”

“No, but I _really_ should have known better,” Shitty gesticulated. “I willingly participated in – no, spearheaded – a barbaric tradition. He’s completely right. It doesn’t matter whether he knew what was going on or not. This whole tradition turns one person into a prop for other peoples’ entertainment.” He grasped the hair at the crown of his head in a fist. “Holy fuck, this is like the worst fuckin’ thing I’ve ever done. I’m a fucking hypocrite is what I am. I run around acting all enlightened all the time and then I pull some shit like this.”

“Hey, Shits, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Holster put a hand on Shitty’s other shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Bitty started. “I’m all right, I was just a little scared. Wait. What? No!” He blinked and shook his head. “I’m not going to comfort you after you abducted me! And why am I still tied up?”

Ransom made a noise like “Oop!” and scrambled to untie the knots around Bitty’s forearms.

“Fuck brah, you’re right, we left you tied up for way too long,” Shitty acknowledged. “And you don’t owe me an apology, I owe you a _thousand_ apologies.”

“Holtz, help me with the legs?” Ransom asked.

“Just don’t fucking kick me or bite me again, whatever your name is,” Holster pointed at Bitty before going to work untying the rope around his legs.

“Oh, fuck me sideways!” Shitty moaned. “I introduced all of us but I still haven’t asked your name and preferred pronouns.”

Bitty flexed his arms as the ropes fell away. “I’m Eric Bittle, but everybody calls me Bitty.” He rubbed at where the scratchy rope had irritated his arms. “And I guess my pronouns are he/him?” No one had ever asked his pronouns before in his village.

Holster guffawed as he pulled the last of the rope away from Bitty’s legs. “Bitty? For real?” He straightened up to his full height. “Because you’re so…”

“Average height, I’m sure you mean?” Bitty cut him off.

Ransom and Holster grinned at each other.

“Sure, that’s exactly what he meant.” Ransom clapped him on the shoulder. “Bitty the average-of-height. It just rolls off the tongue.”

“Bitty, oh Bitty, say have you met Bitty?” Holster held a hand to his heart and burst into song. “Bitty of aaaaaaaverage height!”

“See, we’re all friends now, right you dirty fuckers?” Shitty crowed. “Tub juice time! First round’s on me!”

* * *

As the day wore on, Bitty found himself quite pleasantly buzzed off of Shitty’s tub juice. He’d been hesitant to drink it at first and did so only after watching each of the others drink from it first. It was shockingly green and the literal tub that held it looked far from hygienic, but it did the trick.

Much to his surprise, Bitty found himself warming to the other men. They all seemed genuinely contrite, Shitty particularly so. Ransom was kind to Bitty; his seemed to be the voice that was most nervous during the abduction. Holster burst out into song more and more with each drink. The two of them seemed to care about each other deeply.

Shitty obviously thought very highly of Jack. “He’s a beaut, brah. You’ve got to promise me you’ll treat him right. Can you promise me that, man? He’s been through some rough times. He needs someone sweet like you.” He wrapped one arm around Bitty and wiped tears away from his eyes with his other forearm. “I’m just so happy he found you!”

They were all having a merry time when Bitty spotted something on the horizon. “Ooh, it’s Jack!” he giggled, pointing at the ship rapidly approaching them. “Hiiiii, Jaaaaack!” He waved his hand wildly in the air, nearly toppling off the crate on which he was seated in the process.

“Jack? Already? Damn! He’s even better than I thought,” Shitty pounded his fist against his thigh.

“Jack’s found us already?” Holster asked, his head lolling to the side. “Jack Jack Jack, get your betrothed back!” He crooned. “Your bros are getting schwaaaaasted, this is a ’swawesome time for rescuiiiiiing! In a sack, he bit my back –”

“Jack? Here? Now?” Ransom shushed Holster’s song with a wave of his hand. “No. No. No.” He stumbled to his feet. “That doesn’t make any sense. According to my calculations, Jack shouldn’t have even noticed Bitty was gone until high noon at the soonest.” He checked some nautical instruments near the steering wheel. “Given our head start, even at his fastest speed, he shouldn’t have caught us before –”

“Um. Does the royal ship fly a black flag?” Bitty asked, squinting at the flag atop the ship’s tallest mast.

The three other men’s heads shot up as one.

Shitty scrambled to his feet and ran to the railing to peer at the now rapidly-approaching ship. “Aw, fuckin’ shitballs! That’s not one of the royal fleet _or_ a naval ship.” He spun around and addressed them with dramatic flair. “That, my friends, is the motherfucking Dread Pirate Parson’s ship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two songs that Holster filked were “Lydia the Tattooed Lady” by Groucho Marx and Jack’s Mother’s solo from “Act I Prologue: Into the Woods” by Stephen Sondheim.


	4. Chapter 4

“Why would the Dread Pirate Parson be chasing us?” Bitty worried at his hands as the ship grew ever closer. “Is there anything of value on this ship?”

His three companions all turned to look at him pointedly.

“What? Me?” Bitty asked incredulously.

“If he knows you’re on this ship, then he might be planning to hold you for ransom – no offense, brah,” Shitty nodded his head at Ransom.

“None taken.” Ransom shrugged.

“What? _Again?”_ Bitty looked about in disbelief. All three men avoided his eyes. “Lord! Two abductions in one day? I don’t think my poor heart can handle it!” He fanned himself.

“Look.” Holster stepped forward. “Don’t think this means I forgive you for kicking and biting me, but we’re not actually going to let a pirate abduct you, are we boys?” Shitty and Ransom both voiced their agreement, the former using more colorful language than the latter, as they set their plans to protect Bitty into motion.

* * *

Bitty couldn’t hear much of what happened next from his hiding place below decks, but he could make certain assumptions. From the way that the ship had stopped moving and the new voice he could barely make out, he was fairly certain they’d been boarded. He had heard what appeared to be a scuffle between the men, but from the way his new friends were crying out, it seemed that it was not going well for them.

Bitty was never one to hold his tongue, nor to stand back while others were in trouble. He grabbed the nearest makeshift weapon he could lay hands on – a loose pipe – and burst out onto the upper deck. “Don’t you touch them! They’re nice boys!”

A man clad all in black, from the mask covering the top half of his face down to his boots – evidently the Dread Pirate Parson – froze at his sudden entrance. He blinked repeatedly and stared slack-jawed at Bitty for what felt like an uncomfortably long time before rubbing his eyes and asking “Nice boys? Has the world turned upside down? I’m here to rescue you from your captors and you don’t want me hurt them because they’re ‘nice boys’?”

“Ugh, not this again,” Holster rolled his eyes from where he was sprawled on the deck.

“Shitty, I _told_ you this wasn’t going to work,” Ransom started in again from his position hiding behind a barrel. “My calculations didn’t… _quite_ predict this exact outcome, but I knew this whole plan of yours was–”

“All right!” Shitty threw his hands up in the air. “I take full responsibility for this ass blast of a plan.” He turned to the pirate. “This was a prank. Just a dumb, poorly-thought-out joke. We didn’t abduct him…”

Bitty cut Shitty a dirty look.

“…Not exactly,” Shitty continued guiltily. “We’re friends with the prince. It’s just a little pre-wedding tradition.”

“What?” The Dread Pirate Parson shook his head. “All right. Plan number two. I’m rescuing you from your forced marriage. Let’s away.” He held out his hand to Bitty.

“Forced marriage? I’m entering into it willingly.” Bitty lifted his chin indignantly. “And excuse you if you think I’m going anywhere with the man who killed my true love.”

The Dread Pirate Parson laughed bitterly. “It couldn’t be much of a true love if you’re willingly marrying another.”

Bitty balled his fists, fury burning in his chest. “Don’t you dare to question my love, you murderer!”

“Yes,” the pirate sneered, “a love so strong that you turned around and married a prince at the first opportunity.”

“Five years after you killed him!” Bitty lunged at the pirate. Ransom and Holster caught him by the shoulders before he made contact and held him back as he raged at the Dread Pirate. “I didn’t step foot off my farm for five years, hoping against hope that one day I would wake up to find it had all been a bad dream. But I never woke up from that nightmare. I mourned every day, while you no doubt filled your pockets with purloined gold.”

The pirate visibly blanched beneath his mask.

“You dare to try to ‘rescue’ me from the sweetest man I’ve ever known and… and these idiots,” Bitty gestured to his companions, to their general consternation, “after murdering the first man I ever loved?” He lifted his chin what he hoped was a regal manner. “Get off this boat and never step foot in Florin or I’ll have you thrown in the royal dungeons for the rest of your life.”

The pirate nodded solemnly, then turned toward his ship, anchored by the starboard bow of their own. “As you wish.”

Bitty head was spinning. He hadn’t heard anyone say _that_ in _that way_ since...

“Kent?” Bitty wrenched himself free of Ransom and Holster’s grasps and ran to the retreating pirate. He grabbed his arm, spinning him around to face him. “My love?” Bitty touched his fingers tentatively to the other man’s cheeks. His heart hurt as the other man flinched at his touch. Bitty pushed the pirate’s mask up and off his face. The face he’d only ever dreamed of seeing again. “Dearest love, you’re alive!” He wrapped his arms around him in a tearful embrace.

(“Um, what just happened here?” Holster asked.

“Fuck if I know,” Shitty responded.)

“Wait.” Bitty stepped back. _“How_ are you alive? They told me five years ago that you’d been killed by the Dread Pirate Parson. Now you _are_ the Dread Pirate Parson?”

Kent rubbed his right hand along the back of his neck. “That’s… a long story.”

Bitty looked about. “I’m drifting in the ocean, waiting to be fake-rescued from a fake-abduction. I think I have time.”

Kent sighed and studied his hands. “Parson liked to cultivate a reputation for leaving no man alive.”

“Brah, aren’t _you_ the Dread Pirate Parson?” Shitty asked.

“I mean the Parson before me,” Kent shrugged, as if that explanation made any sort of sense whatsoever to his listeners. He sighed. “Just… keep listening.”

“In truth, he offered a choice to the persons aboard any ship he captured. Not much of a choice, but a choice nonetheless: either join his crew or walk the plank. Perhaps unsurprisingly, most chose to join his crew, myself included. A pirate ship was as good a place as any to earn my fortune,” Kent explained.

“And those who chose to walk the plank?” Bitty inquired, his already-large brown eyes widening even further in concern.

“He would conveniently drop anchor in shallow waters, a short distance from shore. And warn them that he would return for them if they ever told anyone of his mercy.”

Bitty shuddered at the thought of the pirate’s vengeance. “And what did he do to people who told of his clemency?”

Kent laughed. “I’ve no idea. He never had occasion for revenge, but I doubt he would have taken it even if someone had revealed all. Parson promoted his ill-deserved bad reputation to cover for the fact that, in truth, he was soft-hearted.” Kent smiled fondly, his eyes crinkling. “I suspect that so many opted to join his crew because it was an open secret among sailors that the so-called Dread Pirate Parson was, in fact, an excellent employer. Fair in the allotment of work, shared the loot from raids among the crew, and left any retiring crew with a fine bounty. And in exchange, they would further his mystique by spreading wild tales of his supposed cruelty.”

Bitty nodded his head throughout Kent’s story. “All right…” He hesitated, tilting his head. “I understand why you’re alive after I’d been told that you’d died. And yet, you keep speaking of the Dread Pirate Parson as if he were a different person. And yet, you are the captain of the Dread Pirate Parson’s ship, are you not?”

“This is what I’ve been saying,” Shitty muttered.

“It’s your life, dude, but this guy is _obviously_ lying to you,” Holster grumbled. “First he’s dead, then he’s alive, first he’s the Dread Pirate Parson, now he’s not...”

“He’s telling you what you want to hear,” Ransom chimed in. “It’s an obvious manipulation. Don’t fall for it.”

Kent shook his head. “It’s true, every word. Believe me, I’m not a skilled enough liar to invent this tale. I swear on my late father’s grave.” He touched a hand gently to Bitty’s chest, a feather-light brush of his fingertips that nonetheless set Bitty’s heart racing. “I swear on our last night together, under the harvest moon.”

Bitty gnawed at his bottom lip as his eyes filled with tears. “Go on.”

“Ugh, that’s so cheesy!” Ransom protested.

“I was determined to prove myself, and so I set myself to master every task I could learn,” Kent continued. “Parson made note of my effort and took me under his wing. I quickly rose through the ranks from swabbie to gunner to first mate to, eventually, the quartermaster. He taught me everything he knew.”

“One day, after I’d served under him for four years, he pulled me aside and told me something remarkable.” Kent leaned forward, as if about to share an astounding secret. “He was not the first Dread Pirate Parson. Nor had his predecessor been. His former captain had passed the title down to him, as _his_ former captain had once done. And now he was ready to retire and wanted to pass it on to me.”

“He paid off all of the crew with the usual retirement income at the next hospitable port,” Kent continued. “Then the two of us sailed on to the nearest island where we hired a new crew – this time with me as the captain and him as the quartermaster. After we set sail, he regaled them with stories of how I was the famous Dread Pirate Parson, scourge of the seven seas and generous employer. After ensuring the crew was duly convinced of my new identity, the former Parson retired with his own small fortune.”

“My crew and I spent the next several months amassing enough riches so that every last one of them could retire in comfort. And when I’d saved enough to buy you anything you could want, anything at all, I returned to Florin for you,” Kent looked at Bitty with such apprehension that it near about broke Bitty’s heart as he continued, “if you still want me.”

Bitty nearly engulfed Kent in his arms right then and there, but he held himself back as he sought one more answer. “Sweetheart, of course I still want you! But why in the world would you need a fortune before you could come back to me?”

Kent looked at Bitty as if he’d just asked an unspeakably ridiculous question. “I couldn’t make you labor on your parents’ farm for the rest of your life. You…” he cradled Bitty’s face in his hands. “You deserve the moon and the stars. I might not be a prince but I can treat you like one. I can buy you your own private island. Or sail you around the world. Or shower you with more jewels than you could ever dream of. You deserve _everything_. Not some farm boy.”

“Oh, baby!” Bitty cried. “I don’t want any of those things. I only wanted you, alive and by my side.” He pulled Kent tightly to him, burying his face in Kent’s chest.

Kent’s fingers twined in Bitty’s hair. “You don’t hate me?” he breathed.

“Oh you fool, I could never hate you.” The tears came freely now as Bitty gazed up at his long-lost love finally in his arms again. It felt as if a cage had opened up in his chest and he could barely stand from the force of the emotions washing over him. “I could never hate you,” he repeated, pushing up on his tiptoes to close the distance between them.

Like all couples who have ever been reunited after a long separation, Bitty and Kent were each convinced that their kiss was the most romantic, the most ardent kiss that had ever been. But unlike most other couples, Bitty and Kent may have been correct in their own estimation.

When they finally separated to catch their breaths, Bitty laid his head against Kent’s cheek, ignoring his traveling companions’ awkward throat-cleaning. “I never thought I would see you again. I can’t believe we’re finally back together.”

“Then come away with me. Now.” Kent grabbed Bitty by the shoulders, speaking urgently. “I’ll take you far away from here. You’ll never have to think of that prince again!”

“Oh! Um.” Bitty’s words, which usually came unbidden, failed him. “Lord! That’s… That is, I… I might, um… Could I, maybe…”

“STEP AWAY FROM THE PRINCE’S BETROTHED,” a woman’s voice bellowed, “OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE FLORINESE ROYAL NAVY.”


	5. Chapter 5

A petite woman, her dark hair chopped short, paced the deck in stony silence. Shitty, Ransom and Holster sat on a bench facing her, hanging their heads in shame. Two large men flanked a still-defiant Kent. Bitty found himself caught between the two groups of men, his hands and heart fluttering, utterly uncertain of what to do.

Finally, the woman stopped in front of Shitty, one finger pointed in accusation. “Shits. You had one job.”

“Sorry, Lards,” he said, looking properly chastised.

“That’s Countess Duan to you.”

She turned to Ransom and Holster and simply shook her head.

“Sorry,” they mumbled.

She sniffed the air. “You all reek. Chowder!” She called to the nearest naval ship.

“Yes ma’am!” A young man vaulted – literally vaulted – onto their ship from his own. “How can I be of assistance?”

“Pilot this ship back to Florin. They’re too schwasted to do it. Take Nursey and Dex with you as your crew.”

“Yes!” He pumped his fist in the air. “This is going to be ’swawesome!”

“And you,” she positioned herself in front of Kent. “Aren’t you a little young for someone who’s terrorized the seven seas these past twenty years?”

Kent smirked. “I age well.”

Countess Duan rolled her eyes. “All right.” She held out a hand to Bitty. “Consider yourself rescued. Let’s go.”

“No, Bitty!” Kent struggled against his captors. “We can still run away together. Sure, we’re outnumbered…” he glanced about, “…fifty to one, but I’ll take those odds in the name of true love.”

Bitty took in the three naval ships flanking their own ship. They had already boarded Kent’s ship and arrested his crew. Despite the former frivolity of his youth, Bitty was levelheaded enough now to understand that Kent would never make it out alive if he attempted to escape.

“Will you promise not to hurt him?”

“Pardon; what?” Kent asked.

“If I return to Florin, will you promise not to hurt Kent?” Bitty asked again.

“Bitty, no!” Kent protested.

“You have my word,” Countess Duan assented. “Of course, I will have to send him to the dungeon for piracy.”

“Is this the sort of dungeon where you torture him and attempt to suck his life away?” Bitty pressed the Countess.

“Bro.” She looked at him reproachfully. “What do you take me for? It’s just a dungeon. If anything, he’ll die of boredom.”

“And you’ll feed him?” Bitty asked. “You won’t starve him to death?”

“Dude.” The Countess shook her head. “I don’t know what it’s like where you come from, but we don’t starve people around here.”

Bitty ran to Kent, grasping Kent’s hands in his own. “I’ll bake you a pie every day,” he promised.

“It’s a dungeon, not a–”

“You will feed him pie!” Bitty cut the Countess off with an imperious glower. “That’s an order from your future Prince Consort.”

“Whatever.” She shrugged.

“Bitty, you don’t have to do this,” Kent pleaded. “My ship is faster than any other on the seas. We may be in a tight spot now, but if we can just make it to my ship, no one will be able to catch us.”

Bitty shook his head sadly, taking Kent’s face in his hands. “You wouldn’t make it off the ship alive. I’m doing this for you.”

“No!” Kent protested.

“You might be willing to die in the name of true love, darlin’, but I’m not willing to let you die. Now stop your fussing and let me kiss you one last time.” Bitty slipped his arms around Kent’s neck, drawing Kent in close over his protests. He tried his hardest to sear everything about their last kiss into his memory. Every contour of Kent’s lips, the taste of his mouth, the feeling of his hands on him. He tried to make that moment last forever, but alas, time marched on, as it is always has. All too soon, Bitty was pulling back, stepping out of Kent’s arms even as Kent still reached for him, and turning away from his lover.

The Countess raised an eyebrow at him, but asked no questions as he followed her onto the naval ship to rejoin the life that he had started to make with Jack.

* * *

Jack leapt to his feet as soon as Bitty entered his offices. “Bits!” He rushed to Bitty’s side, hesitating just in front of him. “You are well?” he asked formally.

“I… yes.” For the second time that day, words failed Bitty. He knew he ought to declare that he was not well. That he had first been abducted, then had his entire understanding of the world these last five years turned upside down, and then turned away from the man he’d once planned to marry as if they’d never reunited. And yet how could he explain any of that to Jack? Perhaps, he concluded, it was better not to explain it at all. “I’m fine.”

Jack visibly relaxed. “Thank god. I couldn’t think of a thing but your safety from the moment I learned that you’d disappeared. I _knew_ I should have lead the search for you. I never should have listened to Larissa. To hell with my safety when yours was at risk!” He held a hand out tentatively as if to embrace Bitty, then awkwardly ran it through his hair instead. “It was Shitty, wasn’t it? Doing that ridiculous prank?”

Bitty nodded. “Yes, and two others – Ransom and Holster.”

Jack shook his head ruefully. “I will have words with all three.”

Bitty smiled. “I’ve already given them a piece of my mind. I think they’re all sufficiently chastened.”

Jack smiled radiantly back at Bitty. “Of course. I should have known you wouldn’t let them off easily.” His face fell momentarily as worry crossed his face. “And they didn’t hurt you in any way?”

Bitty’s heart pounded in his chest. He was hurt, but not by his would-be captors. He knew he had only himself to blame. But how could he burden Jack with such knowledge? He mustn’t. He shook his head. “They frightened me something awful, but if anything, I may have hurt Holster.”

“How so?” Jack’s face brightened to a surprising degree for a man who had just learned that his friend had been hurt.

“Well,” Bitty explained, “he was carrying me. So I may have kicked him. And punched him. And bit him. A little.”

Jack chuckled. “It sounds as if he deserved all that and more. But I will send the royal physician to check on him.”

“Oh Jack.” Bitty rushed forward, hugging Jack tightly. Jack stiffened in surprise for just a moment before embracing him back. “I missed you.” And it was true, Bitty realized. When he’d thought he was being abducted, he could think only of surviving and returning to Jack. And when Kent had asked him to run away with him, for those moments when it had seemed possible, he’d been paralyzed by the thought that doing so would mean that he would never see Jack again.

Jack combed his fingers through Bitty’s hair. “I’m… I’m glad that I met you, Bits. I thought that I would live all of my days alone. Or perhaps with a spouse who loved only my title and riches, but I never thought I would meet someone who would truly understand me as I am. When I thought that I’d lost you, even knowing it was most likely just my damn fool friends being idiots, it made me realize how much I need you in my life. How much I… I love you, Bits.”

Tears sprung to Bitty’s eyes yet again. Oh, what a mess was he in! “Oh, Jack, I feel the same. Exactly the same.” His heart soared at the crush of Jack’s lips against his own. He tried to lose himself in the moment, to concentrate on the parts of his heart that told him that this was exactly right, and just what he’d wanted these last few weeks, and to ignore the parts that still hurt for the fresh loss of Kent. He’d made the right decision, he told himself. Kent would be safe and alive, he and Jack would be together, and Bitty would be happy. He would make sure of it.


	6. Chapter 6

Bitty cried into his pie dough. He knew that he was probably upsetting the ratio of salt and water in the recipe, which only made him cry all the harder.

He’d thought that he’d made the right decision. The only decision that would let Kent live. He’d lived without Kent for five years, and had resolved to start a new life without him. Letting him go a second time shouldn’t have been difficult. But as it turned out, learning to live without Kent when he’d believed him to be dead had been nothing compared to knowing that Kent was alive, locked up somewhere in a dungeon, and all because of Bitty.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice Jack entering the kitchen until the prince spoke. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh! No!” Bitty swiped at his eyes with his sleeve. “I was just… chopping onions.”

“Bits.” Jack looked at him reproachfully. “I thought we’d agreed to be truthful with each other.”

Bitty’s heart felt like a rock in his chest. He hadn’t exactly told Jack the full truth, but how could he? “I… you’re right.” He twisted his arms in his apron. “I’ve just… been missing my parents,” he lied baldly.

Jack shook his head. “I’ve spoken with Larissa. Countess Duan,” he clarified, seeing Bitty’s quizzical face. “And Shitty and Ransom and Holster.”

Bitty blanched. “Oh,” he breathed out.

“The boys are most apologetic, but I’m sure you already know that. But they also told me about… your pirate.”

“He’s…  he’s not _my_ pirate,” Bitty rationalized. “Not anymore.”

“Bits.” Jack put a hand on Bitty’s shoulder, practically commanding his gaze. “You loved him. You thought he was dead and you were heartbroken. You told me all this when we first met.”

Bitty twisted his hands together. “No… I mean yes. Yes, I did… I do love him, but…”

Jack shook his head sadly. “Far be it for me to stand in the way of true love.” He gestured to the nearby palace guard, who opened the kitchen door. A second guard entered the kitchen together with a struggling Kent.

“Wherever you’re taking me, I’ll… Bitty!” Kent gasped. The second guard released the shackles from his arms and then both guards exited, leaving the three of them alone.

“Kent!” Bitty ran to Kent, searching him for any visible sign of injury. “Did they hurt you?”

“It was awful being locked up in a cell for three days, but no, they didn’t hurt me.” Kent hugged Bitty tight. “And they fed me your pies every day, just like you promised.”

Kent tore his eyes off of Bitty and finally noticed Jack. “So, this is the prince who wants to marry you.” He gently pushed Bitty to the side and crouched into a fighting stance. “I should warn you that I’ve mastered three forms of hand-to-hand combat,” he addressed Jack. “And this time I won’t be stopped.”

Jack laughed bitterly. “I’m not here to fight you. You’ve won. He chose you.”

“I’ve done no such thing!” Bitty protested.

“Bitty!” Kent spun around to stare at him in shock.

“I broke my own heart once by choosing to let Kent go,” Bitty continued. “I’ll not do it again by breaking things off with Jack. And you,” he addressed Kent. “I’m not a prize to be won in a duel.”

“What are you saying, Bits?” Jack stepped closer to Bitty, hope shining on his face.

“I’m not choosing either one of you. I’m choosing you both,” Bitty explained. “For five years, I believed that I had only one chance at love and that I had lost it. I was so lucky to get another chance at love with Jack. And doubly lucky to reunite with Kent. I would be a fool to settle for only one of you when there’s room in my heart for both.”

“How is that supposed to work?” Kent asked. “How can you be the Prince Consort while you’re sailing the seas with a pirate?”

“Well, you were ready to retire,” Bitty reasoned. “Why couldn’t you retire to Florin? And Jack, you need him in your royal navy. He’s the fastest captain on the seven seas, and Guilder would never attack Florin if they knew the Dread Pirate Parson was on our side.”

“Hm.” Jack thought it over, his chin in his hand. “That could work, but I’m not sure my royal advisors would approve of a pirate in our navy.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Kent pointed out, draping a hand loosely around Bitty’s shoulders. “I’m pretty sure the Parson before my direct predecessor joined the navy upon his retirement.”

“Sorry, what now?” Jack asked.

“It’s a long story.” Bitty smiled. “And one that Kent has plenty of time to tell.”

"So this..." Jack gestured between the three of them. "To be clear, you're proposing an open relationship? We’re to share you?”

“Well again, I rather object to being shared as if I were a possession.” Bitty straightened his back, stepping out from under Kent’s arm so that he could address them both. “But yes, an open relationship. I want to be with you both. But it won’t work if either of you have reservations, nor would I pressure you to try if you weren’t comfortable with such an arrangement.” He looked from one man to the other. “How do you feel about this?”

“I am jealous of no man, as none could ever hope to best me,” Kent boasted.

Bitty rolled his eyes. “All right, darlin’, that was cute.” He patted Kent on the arm patronizingly. “How do you really feel about it?”

Kent’s face softened. “I love you, Bitty, and I always have. I don’t believe there are any limits to true love. If being with us both makes you truly happy, then that’s what I want to do.”

Bitty smiled gratefully at Kent, cradling Kent’s hand in both of his own. “Thank you.” He turned to face Jack. “And you, Jack? Are you comfortable with this?”

“There are few things in life that I am truly comfortable with,” Jack confessed.  “Perhaps I am not quite as confident in myself as your pirate is.”

“Few are,” Kent smirked.

“Oh, you!” Bitty lightly backhanded Kent’s chest without taking his eyes off of Jack. “Go on,” he urged him in a softer voice.

“I’ve never been in a relationship such as this, Bits. In fact, I’ve had only limited experience with love at all.” Jack shrugged. “I can make no promises that everything will proceed smoothly. But I know that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. And I can see how dearly you care for Kent.”

“Not only for Kent.” Bitty extended a hand to Jack, interweaving the fingers of his left hand with those of Jack’s right hand. He stroked his thumb along the lines criss-crossing Jack’s palm, rejoicing at the shiver it brought forth from Jack.

“I want to try. With all my heart,” Jack stated earnestly. “I can’t promise perfection, but I want this to work.” He squeezed Bitty’s hand.

“Sweetheart, I don’t expect perfection,” Bitty reassured him. “Nothing and nobody is perfect, and we won’t be either, I can guarantee that. We will make mistakes and do and say things we will regret. But if we are open and honest and find what works for us – not just for me, but what works for all of us–” he reached back and held Kent’s hand as well “–then we can create our own happily ever after.” Bitty smiled at both men, his eyes shining with joyous tears.

“And I do want y’all to get to know each other. He’s not just a pirate,” he nodded his head at Kent, “and _he’s_ not just a prince.” He nodded at Jack. “I think you may find that you have more than me in common.”

Kent and Jack both looked skeptical at this.

“You may be surprised!” Bitty continued, squeezing both of their hands. “I hope in time you’ll become friends. And if the two of you wanted to pursue something with each other…” his voice trailed off.

“Bits, we’ve just met,” Jack cautioned.

“He’s handsome, true, but I’m just not sure that royalty is my type,” Kent shrugged.

“I’m just sayin’.” Bitty grinned mischievously, making note of Jack’s blush. “I would be open to it.”

* * *

**Epilogue**

_“En garde!”_ Kent lunged at Jack.

“You’ll never defeat me, pirate fiend!” Jack parried his attack with a skillful flick of his blade and answered with a neat riposte.

“Please,” Kent replied scornfully. “I’ve already defeated you; you simply haven’t realized it yet.” Kent easily deflected Jack’s attack and lunged toward Jack’s right shoulder. Jack barely spun away in time.

“I’m only just warming up,” Jack warned as he advanced on Kent. “Soon you’ll see the true skills of the prince of Florin.”

“Unfortunately for you, your time just ran out.” Kent disarmed Jack with a twist of his arm, sending Jack sprawling to the ground.

“It’s funny,” Kent smirked. “I always imagined that princes would take fencing lessons. But you did all right for a beginner.”

“I did take lessons. Nearly daily for fifteen years of my life,” Jack bemoaned. “I won every tournament I entered. But, I haven’t had time to keep up my skills as my royal responsibilities have increased these last few years.”

“You’re out of practice, old man.” Kent shook his head fondly.

“I’m a month younger than you are!” Jack protested, holding an arm out expectantly.

“Maybe so, but I’m swifter and craftier.” Kent grasped Jack’s hand in his, leaning forward to pull him up off of the floor.

With a swift yank, Jack pulled Kent down on top of him. “This old dog still knows a few tricks,” Jack quipped.

“Cute,” Kent remarked, propping his hands against Jack’s broad chest.

Jack wrapped his hand around the back of Kent’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Kent hummed contentedly, deepening the kiss as he settled between Jack’s thighs.

“Now, isn’t this a pretty picture,” Bitty sighed.

“Bits.” Jack looked up.

“Now, don’t stop on my account!” Bitty exclaimed. “There’s hardly anything I like better than watching my two boys. Now, who was the one who said you might find things in common if you gave yourselves a chance to get to know one another?” He tapped his chin thoughtfully.

“Yes, yes, you were right.” Kent rolled his eyes. “Now how about you join us?” Kent reached a hand out to Bitty.

“Well, now.” Bitty smiled. “I do believe you've discovered something I like even better than watching y’all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the prompt! This was fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed reading it!

**Author's Note:**

> Come reblog this work and view others from this fest [HERE](https://pbj-epifest.tumblr.com/) on the PB&J Epifest tumblr page!


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